Real Milk (Part 2)

So encouraged by my freedom from stomach pain on with the real milk, being the good little scientist I am, started doing some research on why real milk was not making me sick. My understanding is that the raw milk has the good bacteria that facilitate the production of lactase in the intestinal tract and the lactose is then digested by the lactase. I guess I am slightly lactose intolerant.

Which got me thinking about Iris who is presumably lactose intolerant (due to her colicky behavior and sleeplessness as an infant when I misbehaved and had a slice of pizza or conventional cheese and a vomiting incident after getting a hold of a piece of cheese stick around 1).

Therefore, I wanted to collect more data on the lactose intolerant issue. My lactose intolerance is not strong enough and I wanted to see if I could duplicate the same results on someone else with a strong lactose intolerance. Once I had this idea, I had the perfect test subject in mind.

Luckily (or unluckily if you happen to be downwind of him after drinking a glass of milk), CARL has a huge lactose intolerance. Milk seems to be the main culprit like me. Some of you reading this blog that know Carl but don't know that milk is the cause of his "problem". Did you know that actually if he doesn't consume milk products that you can actually be around him without him farting nonstop? Doesn't that mess with your reality?

The best part is that he is always game for my crazy schemes. He started the experiment on Sunday and here is the email from today, written in typical Carl-style. Gotta love it.

"Just wanted to provide a project update.

I have been administering the serum you gave me last weekend orally, every day, for 4 days now. Dosage has been 10-12 oz./day. So far, I have not experienced any of the negative side effects typically associated with this type of treatment.

I have experienced a few non-typical side effects though. It seems that now I have some strange vision issues. I have gained x-ray vision, allowing me to see through solid objects (except through lead), as well as telescopic vision (seeing great, even interstellar distances) and microscopic vision (seeing small things, even subatomic particles). My eyes can also perceive the full electromagnetic spectrum including infrared and ultraviolet frequencies of radiation. I also have "heat vision" allowing me to generate energy beams which can be used to melt or vaporize almost any substance.

I can now hear sound at almost any wavelength and at vast distances, and my breath is capable of freezing objects (because my lungs are able to put air under tremendous pressure, thus super-cooling it) and generating hurricane-force winds.

Additionally, I can throw my voice across great distances. This power is used to confuse enemies or protect my secret identity by tricking others into believing that I (or Carl Kempson) am in a different location.

Plus, I gained genius-level intelligence and an eidetic memory. I believe these enhanced mental capabilities were a direct result of my exposure to the serum.

I won’t bore you with details about my newfound repugnance to Kryptonite.

I plan to continue treatment until the supply of the serum has been exhausted.

Today’s dose was mixed with dry roasted peanuts and a sliced banana, which is now my preferred ingestion method.

I’ll keep you posted with any new developments as they arise.

Best Regards,
Test Subject 12359-A"